Maybe it is just me but there is something about girls competing in sports that really makes me uncomfortbale (not counting mud wrestling of course and other select sports, say volleyball). But in general they are dressed like boys, acting like boys, and always seem to be trying just a little too hard. This gets really crazy when they actually win something as the screaming and hugging and overall enjoyment far exceed the actual victory. This may also include some sort of cheer or song that isn't a fight song and is really annoying and may or may not involve sweatshirts that have nicknames on the back in lieu of real last names. Is this completely sexist? Hell yes. Does it really matter? Not really. The odds on me watching a female sport not including tits or ass hover somewhere around absolute zero.

OMG!!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER!!! YOU LOOK GREAT!!! GIVE ME A HUG!!! HOW'S BOBBY?!?! OMG OMG OMG! ENAGAGED?!?!? CONGRATULATIONS!!!! SO GREAT TO SEE YOU!!! OK BYEEEEE!! CALL ME!!
...bitch

We've all seen it before, the super annoying wiggle your fingers around and show off the ring to your friends routine followed by utter pandemonium. I guess this is required regardless of whether you like the guy, you like the ring, or if you even like the girl. Just know that if you are a girl you have to totally flip the f*ck out.

It is because of flipping out girls that the world had to endure: The Backstreet Boys, 'NSync, 98 Degress, O-Town, Usher, and the list could go on. If you actually look "flipping out girl" in the dictionary it will show a scene from some mall where girls are screaming their f*cking heads off, crying, and hopefully fainting onto their dumb heads.

Knowing a small part about social and political issues then going absolutely overboard in your defense and opinions does not make you smart, independent or respectable (see photo). But knowing a thing or two and presenting a solid argument is ay OK with me just as long as you are making me dinner in the process.

This was THE worst in high school. Girls all sad and hugging because their BFF had spanish class and they weren't going to see eachother until 3rd period. Boo Hoo

There's only one kind of hug I like and it usually takes place when I am horizontal, not clothed and with a bomb breezy in my bedroom. Other than that hugs are not for me yet some girls are incessant that I give them one every time I see them and every time they leave. And to make matters worse, when I "give my hug" (most likely a form of me standing there while I take the hug with my fingers crossed that she presses her boobs onto me), half the time I have to do more like "really squeeze" or "use both hands". What the f*ck?

Considering there is actually a term called "Bridezilla", clearly this is a problem for the women. I'm not sick of going to weddings, but I sure am sick of hearing about them. This is sad because I have been to a total of 2. I guess I can't be too pissed about girls flipping out over them because unlike most things on this list, this item actually gets them horny.

I guess since I am not a girl, I do not really know what it is like to have to put the seat down to piss, but from the sound of it, it must be pretty damn hard. If you really want to (pun alert) piss your girl off, try pissing on the upward positioned seat and then tell her about it so she knows that you thought about it, pissed on it, and didn't have to really move other than to work your fly, leaving her to do ALL the work. This is one of those things where girls have got together and figured something to flip out about even though it makes no sense. When I get a house I am installing one of those horseshoe seats like they have in public bathrooms just to avoid hearing about this ever again, that is until I have to go to the in laws. My mother-in-law is such a b*tch!!!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this isn't the first baby she has ever seen. Yet girls treat this like it is one of the last babies on the planet and it, plus the other remaining babies are going to be responsible for the continuation of our species as we know it (kind of like that movie with Clive Owen but waaay more annoying and flippy out-ish).



***same applies to puppies***

THESE FRIES ARE GAAAWD! I CAN'T STOP EATING THEM!!

I like fries too but feel free to kick me in the balls if I discuss every bite as I power them down. Let's just drop the whole weight conversation all together. Really I don't care if you gained a few or dropped some, if Tyra says you are beautiful for who you are then you are. I simply no longer want to hear about it; that, and your boring ass job.

--What I mark my calender with:
1. national holidays involving drinking
2. The Lingerie Bowl
3. Other assorted sporting events
4. Trips to tight places that Jack hasn't been
--What girls mark their calendars with:
1. Nordstrom Sales
2. Anniversies
3. Friends birthdays